Rules of Being a Lady
by RuinWitch
Summary: Rule number 20 of being a proper lady: do not hesitate to put a smart-mouthed commoner in their place. Snake's rudeness puts him on Peach's bad side- which is much worse than it sounds. Silly one-shot. :D


Made on a whim, after a friend's comment during a brawl. Please excuse its awfulness. xD

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Super Smash Bros.

* * *

Peach flew off into the background, spiraling away until she disappeared completely from sight. A few seconds later, she reappeared on her platform, an angry frown on her face.

"Mei Ling, tell me what you know about Peach."

"Princess Peach is the beloved ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom. She's been kidnapped numerous times by Bowser."

"Sounds pretty serious…"

"Yes, but every time it happens, Mario ends up saving her. Sure, he may not look like your ideal 'knight in shining armor.' A little on the short side, I'd say... But still, don't you think it's romantic? I mean, to have a guy who's always there for you?"

"If he was smart, he'd tell her to stop getting kidnapped."

" ...You don't get a lot of dates, do you, Snake?"

Peach clenched her fists tightly, until her nails ripped through the fabric of her gloves.

"Who does he think he is?" she glowered through her clenched teeth.

Snake, still looking at the sky to make sure Peach had been smashed, had his back to her.

Peach quickly dismounted off her platform and slammed into Snake.

"Oof!"

"—stop getting kidnapped? You think that's _my _fault? You good-for-nothing—" Peach quickly took out a frying pan and smashed it into Snake's face. "—piece of _scum_!" She grabbed him by his ear, and pulled as hard as she could.

"_Ow_!" Snake desperately tried to pry her hands off before she ripped his ear off.

Peach scowled, then kicked him in the shin.

"_Son of a_—"

"Watch your language!" Peach punctuated her sentence with another hard kick, then threw Snake above her and volleyed him upwards.

Snake soon regained his breath and tried to land safely, but Peach jumped up to him and dragged her crown across his face, leaving three long scratches, which quickly began to bleed.

This threw Snake farther up once again, and as he fell, Peach floated in place until he was level with her, then kicked him in the stomach.

Snake flew to the side of the stage, just barely stopping himself from falling off the edge.

Peach quickly appeared before him, then grabbed him again by his ear, and slapped him away from the stage.

He jumped up three times to get back up on the stage, but she peach bombed him, causing him to fall too far to the left.

A bright white blast, followed by the loud buzz signaling the end of the two minute brawl, followed Snake's grunt.

As Snake descended on his revival platform, Peach quickly pushed him off and held him by his neck.

"Think before you speak, and learn your manners!" she snapped before releasing him.

As she walked away, Snake muttered, "_Well_, overreacting?"

Peach's ears twitched. She turned around, said, "Hm, maybe I'm not quite done yet," and dashed towards him with her arms out and pushed him with all her strength.

Snake threw a hand grenade at her, but she quickly pulled out a Toad who absorbed the hit and spat out spores at Snake.

He sneezed, once, twice, three times, which created a small opening. When he stopped sneezing so he could open his eyes, he was met with the sight of a tennis racket.

"Wha—"

* * *

"Peach, please, he makes those sorts of jibes about _everyone_."

Peach stared down at the ring where Link and Pit were fighting. She quietly nibbled on a bright pink peach. "Who does he think he is, talking about me in that manner? Acting as though I _enjoy _being kidnapped by a common Koopa."

"Well, still, Peach, you didn't have to send his damage into the three hundreds after the fight already _ended_." Zelda said, raising as eyebrow while looking at Snake, who still had a faint imprint of racket netting on his face.

"He deserved every hit. Honestly, just because he's a heavyweight doesn't mean that I'm a damsel in distress when I'm against him."

* * *

"_And so, whenever a commoner starts getting fresh with you, put them in their place."_

"_Why? Wouldn't that be rude?"_

"_Your highness, a lady should not tolerate insolence from anyone, much less someone who is inferior to her."_


End file.
